I scrolled through my previous posts because I was certain I had written something with this title before. Apparently not. (Apparently I am losing my mind. Not breaking news.)
So as all my (very few) loyal readers may have noticed, I have been absent from blog-land lately. I look back and I feel like I should have a really exciting story to tell you about why I just didn't have the time to sit down and write. Sadly that is not the case. But happily, it is because we were simply really super-busy living life. A new school year, 2 soccer seasons, fundraisers, a traveling husband, holidays and birthdays... nothing stellar, nothing out of the ordinary, but just a lot of STUFF. So much stuff, in fact, that I often felt like I was losing my mind. Or at the very least, a very small piece of myself. I have been so busy taking care of everybody else and all their needs that I haven't devoted much time to myself lately. And I feel the time I HAVE devoted to me has revolved around work.
But now... well, now I am writing, so that's a start! Twice this month! And the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to get a little brighter. I checked two books out of the library last week. Grown-up books! I watched my favorite Thursday night TV shows last night when they were actually on, not on DVR. (In retrospect that may not have been the best decision because I did not plan well for my Friday and that made things a little hectic.) But I am slowly getting back the things I have loved and missed. It's not all there... I haven't linked up with You Capture in forever. On several occassions I have actually taken pictures and never got around to uploading them. (This week's challenge is Yellow. Challenge accepted!) I still want to read all the other blogs I used to and the stack of books I bought at the library used book sale this summer. And I want to organize my house. And I want to get crafty with some pictures I took over the summer. And... well, you get the idea. Baby steps, my friends! Slowly but surely I will get there.
Not only do I see a light at the end of the tunnel, but I am starting to see light shed on certain situations. Recently I have taken a step back from things and put a lot of time into evaluating where my life is going and where I want it to go. I know where I WANT it to go, but most days I don't feel that is the direction I'm heading and I don't know how to redirect. Some days I don't even know if I can. I feel a constant pull between working towards what I want and working towards what I feel is best for others or what others want me to do. But the past couple of days I spent a lot of time working on my personal goals and somewhat neglecting other things. This led to panic. And stress. And worry. And after a surprisingly short amount of time, it led to an amazing release. The stress was suddenly lifted and I felt calm. I don't know that I can adequately explain it, but I just knew I was doing the right thing.
So hopefully that little pinhead of a light at the far end of the very long tunnel continues to come closer. And hopefully that light from above continues to not only shine down on me, but to open my eyes when it does.
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