My favorite part of being on maternity leave after Ella was born were our daily naps in my bed. Every afternoon I would lay her down next to me, all swaddled up, and stare at her sweet sleeping face as I dozed off. Then I would wake up to that same beautiful face. She was my only child so I had nobody else to tend to and I could just lay there and soak it all in. Three years later when Lucas was born I did the same thing and loved it just as much. While I was on maternity leave with him I kept Ella in daycare/preschool. This allowed me the one-on-one time with my new baby and it kept her in a routine (she was a child who very much needed it). Three more years pass and Joseph arrives. By this point Ella was in school full time but Lucas was not. We decided (mostly for financial reasons) to keep him home with me while I was on leave. That meant no afternoon naps snuggled together in my bed. That meant no rocking in the recliner and watching whatever terrible daytime TV we could get sucked into. Instead I woud be balancing what little energy I could muster between a newborn and a very active 3-year-old. Today, one year later, I am still sad I did not get those naps with Joseph. I feel a little deprived and I feel like one day he will somehow be negatively affected because his older siblings got attention he did not (even though I really know this is garbage and will likely have absolutely no affect on him whatosever).
Seven weeks into my maternity leave I decided I would not return to my full time job. I thought this might make up for things - since I didn't have the opportunity during my "maternity leave" to nap and be cozy with Joseph during the day, I could make up for it now by being with him all the time! At that time Lucas was still napping on a regular basis and in the fall he would be in preschool two days a week. During those times I dreamed Joseph and I could snuggle and curl up together. He could nap on my chest while I reclined in the same chair I had snoozed in with my older kids. Once he dozed off I could lay him in my bed and curl up next to him. We would be two peas in a pod and he would be momma's little boy. After all, Lucas was CLEARLY a Daddy's boy, a man's man. He rarely wanted anything to do with me. Ella was on the verge of being too cool for us (yes, at the ripe old age of 6). So Joseph was MINE!! But what happens? Not only is he the least cuddly of my three children, but he becomes a Daddy's Boy! He does not want to curl up with me in the chair or bed, he wants to get down and play or put himself to sleep in his own bed. He will always go to Daddy first and when I try to take him he clings to Brandon for dear life. I joke sometimes that the whole reason I quit my job is so Joe would like me best. But a tiny part of me thinks maybe that isn't such a joke, especially after being ranked second by the older kids more than once. (Not literally ranked, of course, but you get the idea!) Maybe he's tired of me after spending every minute with me during the day? Maybe he's already too cool for me?? Whatever it is, I need to find a fix because I am desperately missing my snuggle I dreamed about!
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