Unfair

I kind of pride myself on being a positive person.  Even in bad situations, I will always try to find something positive - the silver lining, if you will - to take away from it.  I do this because that is how I want to live my life.  I don't like to dwell on the negative and stay down in the dumps.  Don't get me wrong - it's not that I am oblivious to the bad things that happen.  But rather, I prefer to find a way to attack them and turn the situation around.  How can I make it better?  How can I make it go away?  Think positive for a positive outcome.

But this week I was thrown for a loop.  I learned that someone very near and dear to me is in for the fight of her life.  My first thoughts when I heard this news?  It is so unbelievably unfair.  And it sucks.

I have always believed God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and I'm certain she thinks this way, too.  But isn't there a breaking point somewhere?  She and her husband and children have endured so much and it seems they are always fighting some battle.  There isn't time to recover and regroup from battle #1 before battle #2 starts raging.  And yet in the midst of her own personal battles, she will be the first person to rally for you if you need anything.  She will give you the shirt off her back, even if that means she doesn't have another one to replace it. 

So one would think with all the fighting and good-deed-doing, she would finally be dealt a good hand.  Right?  Not so.  This time the bad cards are in her hand and the latest battle is one she must fight for herself.

So many questions swirled through my head this week, but mostly "How?" and "Why?"  And I have prayed like I haven't prayed in a really long time.  Prayed for her and prayed for answers and understanding.  Hasn't she been through enough already?  Doesn't she deserve a break?  Even a little one?  My heart is breaking for her and I feel so helpless because I can't make her better.

I went to visit her on Wednesday and as I ran all the details through my mind the next day and reflected on exactly what was going on (and prayed some more - I really don't think I have stopped since the news broke)... something became very clear.  I have always known her to be an amazingly strong woman and such a fighter.  And here she is again, fighting.  Not a mad, angry, crying fight.  But a strong, determined, positive fight.  The kind that says "You just try to mess with me.  I will take you down."  When faced with the biggest struggle of her life, she is not backing down.  Not one little bit.  She is poised and filled with faith and is even maintaining her sense of humor through it all.  Wow.

It is very difficult to rationalize something terrible happening just so something good can result.  But here she is, facing something so very terrible, and showing us all how to deal.  She is the strong one.  She is the role model.  Yes it's true - God knew who he was dealing with when he handed out this fate.  He knew she could fight it.  Does that mean I think it is fair?  Does that mean I understand?  No and no.  And I probably never will.  But oh my, has my admiration for her grown.  This woman has always been one of my role models for several reasons and now I can add her fighting spirit as another.

I know she will come through this and walk out the other side even stronger than she was before.  I know it won't be easy for her, but I'm certain she will make it easier for the rest of us.